; – Thoughts About Suicide and Life – Part 4

“Not everything that is faced can be changed but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”

Lucille Ball

Facing suicidal thoughts is hard. Leaving the thoughts alone is dangerous and based in self-deception. Ignoring them only leads to more pain. Setting the thoughts aside for a moment is a bad idea.  Some things are preventable. Some things are unavoidable. Some things have no silver lining. However, building the courage to face and persevere is key.

Looking in the mirror I see eyes that have faced many sad, painful and horrible things. I wish boring-peace-filled lives on people, but alas, without the darkness, there is no light. Looking in the mirror a voice in my head say’s, ‘I hate you.’

It is a conditioned response.

Recording the responses has been helpful for me to keep track of both the negative and the positive crap I throw at myself. Perspective can be built over time but without a journal there is only fuzzy memories to work with. That poses more challenges.

Pull out a sheet of paper and set a timer for 30 minutes. Write ‘Why?’ on the paper. Brainstorm as many ‘Why…’ questions as you can.  Set the list aside.

A few hours later look at it again.

Answer as many of the questions as you can.

If nothing comes, draw. Scratch the paper. Keep making marks. Keep asking ‘Why?’.

This is the first step in finding peace without intentionally ending up six feet under.

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