; – Thoughts on #Suicide and #Life – part 6

Even monkeys fall from trees.

Korean proverb

Everyone makes mistakes and falls down. I have made so many mistakes. You for certain have made as many mistakes as I have. Scars litter my arms and legs from some of my mistakes. Until my friend was found in the shower I didn’t know that if I wanted to kill myself I had to cut up – not across. From that point on I felt funny when I picked up a blade. The scars from self-mutilation are a constant reminder that mistakes are important. Some mistakes can save you while others will end your life.

Regret is a poison as potent as anger. It may be the deepest and most painful scar we hold when we are suicidal. Regret that we didn’t help someone, we didn’t eat something, do something, become something. Regret that we wasted our life, opportunities, people, things, time.

Use the emotions and create.

Grab a sharpie and a few pieces of paper. Scratch big jagged lines one one sheet. Think about why you want to die. Grab a second sheet now scribble as you think. Doodle. Repeat as many times as you want to. Now rip those papers up as small or as big as you want to. Grab some glue or tape or staples and put the papers back together in whatever configuration you want. Note how you feel as you do this exercise. Remember to breathe. It is okay to cry. If you are hit by the desire to hurt yourself write, “you are beautiful” on your skin with the sharpie.

Learn from the bumps, cuts and bruises. The broken bones will mend and so will the heartache. It is not the mistakes that make us grow, become stronger and thrive, it is how we react and respond to the mistakes. Learn from the pain. Use the pain to build something bigger than you.

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