#EPICfaiL #Vegan #parenting & #pizza

Monday was great. I was taken out for salad.

Tuesday I heated up beir rocks.

Wednesday… Epic Fail I was exhausted. Only got 3 hours of sleep. In the morning I at dolmas, a banana, and Oreos… Yes, Oreos are vegan. Then the afternoon came around. I had both kids alone… I ordered Pizza. The pasta without sauce with mushrooms, onions, and spinach for the kids.

But I ate the spinach, Feta, and mozzarella cheese bread. God, I’m paying for it. My body is achy and my stomach feels like a train is tunneling through it at full speed. My emotions are crazy strong I started to cry out of the blue. God dairy hormones are intense when you eat it for the first time in a long time.

I’m not sure why I wanted Pizza so badly. I guess the convenience won me over… a screaming one year old who had been screaming from teething pain for 4 hours straight ended my will power at about 4:45 PM.

That is one of the reasons I feel like crap right now. I spent money on things that I do not want to perpetuate… I bowed my ass over to a consumeristic mentality and took the easy way out. I could have easily tossed more beir rocks into the oven or made a salad, or any number of quick fixes like a bowl of cereal. But I didn’t.

Now I am paying for it.

So what do you do when you mess up or miss read a label or in general epic fail at being vegan?


“Why are you putting up roadblocks?” #coaching #MomshellConfessional

Sitting in my coaches car, waiting for my son’s IEP. I threw a huge roadblock in front of my flow. “I would have to have a car to keep him from killing me if I choose to homeschool him.”

“I would have to have a car to keep him from killing me if I choose to homeschool him.”

Those words actually left my mouth. We had been talking about setting up a curriculum for the summer for Ben. Subconsciously I tossed the biggest issue I could out in front of me that I could, all while I was suppose to be reviewing and preparing for Ben’s IEP.

My coach asked me bluntly why I was roadblocking. She didn’t use that term at first. My confusion was evident so she broke it down into a much more visual example.

“You have a bad habit of putting caution cones and roadblocks in your way. Big bright obstacles that keep you from the direct path.”

Thinking about it I do. It is part of what makes me appear to be an amateur and part of what makes me appear to be a fool. Mostly it slows me down.

What do I do?

When I catch myself doing this I open myself up to the endless possibilities the universe puts in front of me and have a little faith and trust that everything will fall into place for my highest good.

Mantras seem to be helping.


Peace Love and Great Vibrations,


Can you do #VEGAN without a Blender?

Eight years ago I had a beautiful food processor and an amazing blender. Now I have neither. The food processor had a date with the floor that ended in heartbreak. Every blender I have had since then has been burned out or dropped.

I miss pecan ground “meat”, nut cheeses I make myself and the ease of making cookie dough in a food processor. Smoothies, blender pancakes, and smooth mashed potatoes… The mashers broke my last blender.

Alas, it is fucking hard to go vegan without a blender and pretty rough without a food processor… That said if my rice cooker broke today I would cry.

However, it can be done.

So scratch the hummus and smooth creamy soups off the list. Seriously just buy Trader Joes Hummus, it is worth driving an hour to buy. Cut your veggies super small and push it through a sieve if you want a smooth soup.

Stick to whole foods and forgo the transition foods altogether. Start with the basics. Learn what food tastes like. Each vegetable and each grain have a unique flavor. Can you tell the difference between ground cinnamon and ground cardamom? Can you taste the difference between a yellow summer squash and a zucchini? What is the difference between a yellow, red or white onion? There are definitely differences.

Steam up some broccoli and cauliflower. Test a few different dressings.  Steam some cashews until fork tender and then use a knife to smash them with some roasted garlic,  a little salt, and NUTCH, then add a little olive oil and whisk. It is a killer simple sauce.

You don’t have a whisk? I recommend this one.   A good whisk can do amazing things when it comes to sauces. you can use it to make ranch, chia eggs, flax eggs, suds up the water to convince the kiddo to do dishes or splatter paint all over the house (More on that in a later post.)

Now as to the giant knife in the photo… Make sure you have at least three good knives, A paring knife, a bread knife and a good larger knife. I do almost everything with the beasty in the photo. I have a teeny tiny paring knife that kiddo uses and an old but amazing bread knife. I also have two other knives that keep showing back up in my kitchen when I have put them in the donation box a few times.

My brain is a little on overdrive right now so I will get back at yall later.

Peace, Love, and Great Vibrations,

Steffi AKA Ben’s Mom

#autism #Parenting #WTFReally ?

A disassembled bed and a snow day.

Rotate the laundry… find my missing shampoo bottle… empty wrapped up in a t-shirt covered in shampoo.

Start a breakfast… look for the oatmeal… give up when I find the bag empty when it was half full before bed. Pour cereal and soy milk.

Start washing dishes… notice the water pressure is low, suddenly hear the shower running below me. Walk calmly to the bathroom… Find the kiddo’s mattress in the shower. Beathe deeply and imagine I’m on a beach doing SunSalutation.

No school… Nothing productive done…

Walk into the kitchen after going to the bathroom, find son naked making brownies… his own recipe. At least he likes to cook… Why is the commercial size baking powder tub full of cocoa and honey?

Take a shower… Have son come in bathroom and want a shower… finish rinsing conditioner out of my hair, plait hair then get a towel, dry off then get dressed. Then he follows me out and wants a hug not a shower… give him a hug and send him back to bed.

Walk into my bedroom… Find child wrapped up in a blanket watching cooking videos on youtube. His mattress is still wet. Cuddle for one video, take the laptop and start writing… He bangs is head on the wall, 10 minutes later is asleep… still sitting up. I readjust him then tuck him in and go hide in the laundry room to write.


Life in the day of a Gothic MomShell… AKA This Autism Mom.


If you like what I write and want to support my son’s painting habits or life in general click HERE.

Peace Love and Great Vibrations,


#specialneeds #parenting #coaching

I pointed proudly at the bottle of liquid soap in the bathroom. It had been a stretch to get it, normally we only used bar soap. The home visit from the nursing company was going to be a regular and frequent event. Baby boy was home from the hospital for the first time and it had been almost two months getting a nurse to the house. He was trached and on O2, the doctor expected him to have nursing within days of us being home.

Looking back on that day I feel absolutely absurd. The poor nurse wasn’t a caseworker from child protective services, though in my mind any worker who visited was treated with the same care.

So how did I survive IN-HOME nursing and people in my house for therapies, services, and drop-ins?

  • I kept the house as clean as I could.
  • I treated them like human beings.
  • I used the therapist to learn how to be a good parent and take care of my kiddo to the best of my ability.
  • I reminded myself that no matter how poor I was they were not going to take my child away because I didn’t have a new (insert consumeristic B.S. here)
  • I reminded myself that the specialist who was in my house was there to HELP ME help my child grow and develop in the LEAST RESTRICTIVE ENVIRONMENT.



If you like what I write and want to support my son’s painting habits or life in general click HERE.

Peace Love and Great Vibrations,


#parenting #coaching #Autism & getting shit done

A year ago I hung up the phone with a coach’s parting words ringing in my ears, “I don’t know how you get anything done.” My son had been screaming in the background home sick that day and Hubby had been vying for my attention because he needed help with his client. I couldn’t reschedule with the coach due to her tightly booked schedule so I plugged through the phone consult repeating myself frequently and hearing her irritation grow. I decided that when I pick a coach they need to have a kid or be the oldest in a gaggle of kids.


Months ago I took my son to therapy with me. My therapist’s words still ring in my ears, “You can describe something but sometimes you just have to see it to understand.”   I took him with me today because he was already having a rough morning. The day after  Christmas we didn’t open the front door at all. He, like his father, loves to be on the road and hates being cooped up anywhere. I guess she understood why I asked for weekly therapy sessions. Then again, I fired her.

SO how do I get shit done?

  • Set alarms
  • skip sleep occasionally
  • eat highly nutritious food
  • drink lots of water
  • laugh a lot
  • know that I’m not gonna get everything done… unless I skip sleep. Even then… It isn’t all gonna get done.
  • lists, lists, lists and more lists
  • visual dream boards
  • I breathe


If you like what I write and want to support my son’s painting habits or life in general click HERE.

Peace Love and Great Vibrations,


#coaching #parenting #autism

My son is fascinated with power tools. Now he just turned seven, so on Sunday he decided to take his bed apart and proceed to show me a picture of a “loft bed closet” that he has wanted for years. It is on one of his vision boards.

I cued up youtube videos. He giggled and squealed at a few. I knew that building a bed was going to happen. At this point, I figured we needed to build something small.

With a handsaw, a drill, and an old cedar bench Ben helped me drill holes, screw in screws and watched me saw a chunk of wood. We built a town rack. Now we have a few more things to do to finish it but… It is a beginning.

Pictures to come when it is finished… Dad has the camera.


This is the Bed Ben wants to build. I figure Lowes will make most if not all of the cuts and between Dad, Unicorn and I we can get this thing built… We just have to figure out how to let Ben help. 🙂


YOU ARE  A BADASS by Jen Sincero

A sassy and audacious SELF HELP BOOK. Jen Sincero is freaking awesome. This book is a coaching dream, she weaves her personal experiences and solid coaching with a killer wit to create a wonderful guide.

Crass words and hilarious stories fill the pages as well as information about how to get your shit together. Dealing ith yourself is the biggest theme of the book. Dig out the imaginary bullet and be a BadASS.


There are a few issues. If you are chronically depressed, this book may rub some serious salt in the wounds. Getting past Depression is a difficult and seriously intense problem… however, letting go can make healing from depression easier. Dealing with the excuses and crap we have dealt with is necessary. Been there, done it and  still pulling out of depression when it hits.


Card of the Day – ten of coins

your material wishes will be met – perhaps to a degree that you would not have thought possible


This depiction of the ten of coins card reminds me a little of the mirror of erised. I see my deepest dreams and biggest goals far off in the distance and the darn mirror only shown me what I want not HOW to get what I want.

Jen Sincero a coach says, “take a leap and trust that the HOW will come.”

So now I have to think. Being open to possibilities can be frustrating yet when I practice being open, actively watching and acting on the opportunities I find amazing options.

One thing this card means to me personally is a stable foundation. When I pull the ten of coins I know that what I have done and what I am doing is right. I know that my feet are firmly in place and I will have what I need… as long as I remember to trust the universe to send solutions.

Featured Image located HERE. (Non-affiliate link.)

#DeathsTeaParty #amwriting #snippit

I can feel my life grinding, breath by breath, to a halt. My chest rattles deeply with the fluid of certain death. A baby crying in the distance could just as easily be on the vid screen across the hall.

Why did I choose to die in this hell hole reeking of piss?

Peace filled me as the anger and human emotion of self-loathing dissipated. The smell of narcissus filled my nostrils.

The oddity of this side of death is bewildering, fear seems to permeate.  I know I can do this with some modicum of grace. Persephone has died hundreds of times.

I know what is coming.

For some reason, this feels too real and too surreal. Yet, letting go of this body feels wrong.

The unknown isn’t holding me back. What is keeping me from ending this lifetime?