mindset

#EPICfaiL #Vegan #parenting & #pizza

Monday was great. I was taken out for salad.

Tuesday I heated up beir rocks.

Wednesday… Epic Fail I was exhausted. Only got 3 hours of sleep. In the morning I at dolmas, a banana, and Oreos… Yes, Oreos are vegan. Then the afternoon came around. I had both kids alone… I ordered Pizza. The pasta without sauce with mushrooms, onions, and spinach for the kids.

But I ate the spinach, Feta, and mozzarella cheese bread. God, I’m paying for it. My body is achy and my stomach feels like a train is tunneling through it at full speed. My emotions are crazy strong I started to cry out of the blue. God dairy hormones are intense when you eat it for the first time in a long time.

I’m not sure why I wanted Pizza so badly. I guess the convenience won me over… a screaming one year old who had been screaming from teething pain for 4 hours straight ended my will power at about 4:45 PM.

That is one of the reasons I feel like crap right now. I spent money on things that I do not want to perpetuate… I bowed my ass over to a consumeristic mentality and took the easy way out. I could have easily tossed more beir rocks into the oven or made a salad, or any number of quick fixes like a bowl of cereal. But I didn’t.

Now I am paying for it.

So what do you do when you mess up or miss read a label or in general epic fail at being vegan?

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“Why are you putting up roadblocks?” #coaching #MomshellConfessional

Sitting in my coaches car, waiting for my son’s IEP. I threw a huge roadblock in front of my flow. “I would have to have a car to keep him from killing me if I choose to homeschool him.”

“I would have to have a car to keep him from killing me if I choose to homeschool him.”

Those words actually left my mouth. We had been talking about setting up a curriculum for the summer for Ben. Subconsciously I tossed the biggest issue I could out in front of me that I could, all while I was suppose to be reviewing and preparing for Ben’s IEP.

My coach asked me bluntly why I was roadblocking. She didn’t use that term at first. My confusion was evident so she broke it down into a much more visual example.

“You have a bad habit of putting caution cones and roadblocks in your way. Big bright obstacles that keep you from the direct path.”

Thinking about it I do. It is part of what makes me appear to be an amateur and part of what makes me appear to be a fool. Mostly it slows me down.

What do I do?

When I catch myself doing this I open myself up to the endless possibilities the universe puts in front of me and have a little faith and trust that everything will fall into place for my highest good.

Mantras seem to be helping.

 

Peace Love and Great Vibrations,

Steffi

#specialneeds #parenting #coaching

I pointed proudly at the bottle of liquid soap in the bathroom. It had been a stretch to get it, normally we only used bar soap. The home visit from the nursing company was going to be a regular and frequent event. Baby boy was home from the hospital for the first time and it had been almost two months getting a nurse to the house. He was trached and on O2, the doctor expected him to have nursing within days of us being home.

Looking back on that day I feel absolutely absurd. The poor nurse wasn’t a caseworker from child protective services, though in my mind any worker who visited was treated with the same care.

So how did I survive IN-HOME nursing and people in my house for therapies, services, and drop-ins?

  • I kept the house as clean as I could.
  • I treated them like human beings.
  • I used the therapist to learn how to be a good parent and take care of my kiddo to the best of my ability.
  • I reminded myself that no matter how poor I was they were not going to take my child away because I didn’t have a new (insert consumeristic B.S. here)
  • I reminded myself that the specialist who was in my house was there to HELP ME help my child grow and develop in the LEAST RESTRICTIVE ENVIRONMENT.

 

 

If you like what I write and want to support my son’s painting habits or life in general click HERE.

Peace Love and Great Vibrations,
 

Steffi

#coaching #parenting #autism

My son is fascinated with power tools. Now he just turned seven, so on Sunday he decided to take his bed apart and proceed to show me a picture of a “loft bed closet” that he has wanted for years. It is on one of his vision boards.

I cued up youtube videos. He giggled and squealed at a few. I knew that building a bed was going to happen. At this point, I figured we needed to build something small.

With a handsaw, a drill, and an old cedar bench Ben helped me drill holes, screw in screws and watched me saw a chunk of wood. We built a town rack. Now we have a few more things to do to finish it but… It is a beginning.

Pictures to come when it is finished… Dad has the camera.

 

This is the Bed Ben wants to build. I figure Lowes will make most if not all of the cuts and between Dad, Unicorn and I we can get this thing built… We just have to figure out how to let Ben help. 🙂

Card of the Day – ten of coins

your material wishes will be met – perhaps to a degree that you would not have thought possible

~~~~

This depiction of the ten of coins card reminds me a little of the mirror of erised. I see my deepest dreams and biggest goals far off in the distance and the darn mirror only shown me what I want not HOW to get what I want.

Jen Sincero a coach says, “take a leap and trust that the HOW will come.”

So now I have to think. Being open to possibilities can be frustrating yet when I practice being open, actively watching and acting on the opportunities I find amazing options.

One thing this card means to me personally is a stable foundation. When I pull the ten of coins I know that what I have done and what I am doing is right. I know that my feet are firmly in place and I will have what I need… as long as I remember to trust the universe to send solutions.

Featured Image located HERE. (Non-affiliate link.)

#DeathsTeaParty #amwriting #snippit

I can feel my life grinding, breath by breath, to a halt. My chest rattles deeply with the fluid of certain death. A baby crying in the distance could just as easily be on the vid screen across the hall.

Why did I choose to die in this hell hole reeking of piss?

Peace filled me as the anger and human emotion of self-loathing dissipated. The smell of narcissus filled my nostrils.

The oddity of this side of death is bewildering, fear seems to permeate.  I know I can do this with some modicum of grace. Persephone has died hundreds of times.

I know what is coming.

For some reason, this feels too real and too surreal. Yet, letting go of this body feels wrong.

The unknown isn’t holding me back. What is keeping me from ending this lifetime?

#failure #coaching #autism – My challenge for this past February

I Hate Paperwork.

It gives me anxiety like no tomorrow.

I managed to put together every shred of paperwork in my house and then sat for the majority of the month just staring at the 3 large and one huge reusable bags overflowing with paper.

I avoided them… I.e. I did everything in my power to not be in the room with them.

So finally the last full weekend of the month I finally sat down to do the papers. I dressed in my nicest top, put on a pretty bra and my nicest jeans, I packed up the bags and drove to a friends house. Two cups of coffee, one sandwich, and one long-winded lecture later I began.

Eight hours later I was still going through the papers on their kitchen table. Two bags held files that had been sorted and organized; one with the taxes, hubby’s stuff, my stuff and all the other miscellaneous important stuff, the other bag was filled 4/5ths with Ben’s IEP’s and medical record. On the floor there was a large box was filled with papers I needed to sort into; recycle and shred.

I was one bag away from finishing my paperwork on my RESPITE day, when I got three texts.

“Come home please

Ben is missing

Hurry”

My heart hit the floor.
I dropped everything. Literally, I dropped the papers in my hand.  Bolting upright I ran for the door, the words, “Ben is missing,” came out as the screen door slammed. I drove down the street like a bat out of hell. There were cops in my neighborhood when I got there. No one told me what was going on.
Hubby was freaking out, Unicorn was walking down the street with a cop. I parked the car and started thinking like my son. The open gate across the street called to me and I walked through it. On the next street, I lost all signs of my son.
Panic set in. I walked down the street hollering that my son was missing and asking everyone on the street at almost 9 pm  if they had seen him and to help. I wanted to pull my hair out and scream and cry. How could either of the adults in my house have let him run off? How long had he been gone? What was I going to do if we didn’t find him? I walked almost twenty blocks as I circled back to the house.
“Has anyone gone down the hill?” I cried out to the police officer standing in my yard. I was trying to remember I I had put the flashlight back on the hook, praying that Ben hadn’t taken it or pulled the batteries out again.
“We found him”.
The panic eased and all I wanted was to hug my son. Then the rage hit me. “Where is he?”
D and Unicorn tried to half-heartedly stop me as I stormed into the house and down the stairs to my son’s room. I wanted to beat some sense into him, but I didn’t.
I marched my punk ass, two days away from being seven, son up the stairs to apologize and say thank you to the pretty shocked police officers. At that point, I found out how the police had been involved.
My half-naked son had wandered into the first unlocked house. The wonderful people figured out pretty quickly that kiddo was special-needs and called the police.
We were incredibly lucky that Ben was found safe and sound. Most kids with autism that wander off into dangerous situations.  Wandering AKA Elopement is terrifying. It also causes more paperwork to deal with.
Oh and if you are wondering my paperwork is still sitting… waiting for me to finish it. I’ll get back to it in a few days.
Untill Next Time,
Confession of a Special Needs Mom

#FinalisFinibusTractus #writingprompt #scifi #spacetalk #DrWho

This question draws me into the concepts of  Satellite 5 (featured in three Doctor Who episodes.).

An orbital space-based media would need to focus on both Earth and all of the highlights of what is going on in the atmosphere. I am going to assume that journalistic integrity has been restored and there is a ton of construction going on in space.

Idealistically social issues, climate issues, technology, and philanthropic issues will be at the forefront of every media outlet, print or video. With the way climate change is bounding forward, social issues will become more intense.

Technology will most likely be a huge focus of journalists. As quickly as technology changes today I can only imagine how quickly it will change in the future. We can only hope that trash and recycling have been dealt with via tech and behavior and won’t be in the media frequently… But then again strikes might be big news.

Realistically “Entertainment” issues will most likely be up front. Who’s getting a divorce and who is getting married, or whatever the equivalent is will still be there. Who got in a fight and who is on what new fangled drug? Who is sleeping with who will probably still be highlighted in some of the media… sadly I don’t see this sales pitch going away. Sports will still be big… though there may be new sports covered (Zero G Quidditch anyone?)

 

 

#quote #ShannonPort #coaching

Never be afraid to speak the truth ~ even if it is only your truth. Never be afraid to fail with honest words. The more we speak the truth the better we get at it, and the better we get at it the more self-acceptance we have in our moments of Honesty. When our truth arises from that Inner Stillness ~ Heaven and Earth become One.

~ Shannon Port of Art of the Feminine

Helpless and Trying #Poetry

Helpless and Trying
For all those people out there that suffer from post surgery depression and are trying to heal.

Today is one of those days
tears stream down my face
though I don’t know why
my self seeming insignificant
death my waking thought
pain is so much less now
but I am helpless useless
I am surrounded by chaos
entropic disarray surrounds
bit by bit it will be cleaned
piece by piece I will win
day by day I will concur
this disaster that is my home
laundry that never ends
dishes that keep getting dirty
floors that are tracked filthy
trapped in bed
five minutes out at a time
the chaos envelopes
the dirt suffocates
when mom is down
the house falls to shreds
my son with my mother
medication that makes me
woozy
the stream of thoughts dark
Disney and Christmas music
trying to create levity
vent to paper stream of consciousness
cry
weep
dashed the hopes
keep loving my self
remember to breath and smile
put on the lovely mask
hold on to the gratitude
you will get well
life will go back to normal soon…