#EPICfaiL #Vegan #parenting & #pizza

Monday was great. I was taken out for salad.

Tuesday I heated up beir rocks.

Wednesday… Epic Fail I was exhausted. Only got 3 hours of sleep. In the morning I at dolmas, a banana, and Oreos… Yes, Oreos are vegan. Then the afternoon came around. I had both kids alone… I ordered Pizza. The pasta without sauce with mushrooms, onions, and spinach for the kids.

But I ate the spinach, Feta, and mozzarella cheese bread. God, I’m paying for it. My body is achy and my stomach feels like a train is tunneling through it at full speed. My emotions are crazy strong I started to cry out of the blue. God dairy hormones are intense when you eat it for the first time in a long time.

I’m not sure why I wanted Pizza so badly. I guess the convenience won me over… a screaming one year old who had been screaming from teething pain for 4 hours straight ended my will power at about 4:45 PM.

That is one of the reasons I feel like crap right now. I spent money on things that I do not want to perpetuate… I bowed my ass over to a consumeristic mentality and took the easy way out. I could have easily tossed more beir rocks into the oven or made a salad, or any number of quick fixes like a bowl of cereal. But I didn’t.

Now I am paying for it.

So what do you do when you mess up or miss read a label or in general epic fail at being vegan?


#FinalisFinibusTractus #writingprompt #scifi #spacetalk #DrWho

This question draws me into the concepts of  Satellite 5 (featured in three Doctor Who episodes.).

An orbital space-based media would need to focus on both Earth and all of the highlights of what is going on in the atmosphere. I am going to assume that journalistic integrity has been restored and there is a ton of construction going on in space.

Idealistically social issues, climate issues, technology, and philanthropic issues will be at the forefront of every media outlet, print or video. With the way climate change is bounding forward, social issues will become more intense.

Technology will most likely be a huge focus of journalists. As quickly as technology changes today I can only imagine how quickly it will change in the future. We can only hope that trash and recycling have been dealt with via tech and behavior and won’t be in the media frequently… But then again strikes might be big news.

Realistically “Entertainment” issues will most likely be up front. Who’s getting a divorce and who is getting married, or whatever the equivalent is will still be there. Who got in a fight and who is on what new fangled drug? Who is sleeping with who will probably still be highlighted in some of the media… sadly I don’t see this sales pitch going away. Sports will still be big… though there may be new sports covered (Zero G Quidditch anyone?)



#FinalisFinibusTractus – Grub Time

Food? Hum. Well I guess that depends on the type of ship we take and the amount of space we have to produce our own food.

As a space ship is an indoor self-contained facility without the benefit of a star at the correct distance, I imagine that the majority of our food will be grown using grow lights. Currently, there are lights that have a wide color spectrum which is vital for indoor plant growth.

What about growing mediums?

Hell we can grow green beans in an old boot with some dirt here on Earth but what will we use in space?

Soil is heavy so an aeroponic system might be the most efficient system but some plants have to have soil and will not thrive in any type of hydroponics. Their root structures are too fragile or complex to survive without a sub straight. If we want to have fish of any kind aquaponics might be a good solution.

I imagine variety might be an issue but then again, with enough space and ingenuity, seed wouldn’t be a huge problem. Between the seed vault in Norway, the National Center for Genetic Resources Preservation and the thirteen other seed vaults I think we might have a decent chance of bio diversity.

Now if we can manage to build ships like the one with an ocean in it or one with a whole forest growing in it then we are talking a whole new ballpark. We could create an entire biome that housed not only humans but animals as well.

However, I would think that after a long time in space on a generation ship people would probably have evolved away from the current state of being omnivorous. Cryo-chamber people… I would guess still crave bacon to a large degree… unless the need to eat meat had been eliminated prior to travel. In which case I would wonder how and if humanity evolved to a point where they did not consume meat.

Back to the food forest. Insects would play a large role in the fertility of said forest unless you had an army of people to hand pollinate the biome. Personally, I would love to pack a hive of bees, a legion of grasshoppers, an army of caterpillars and a kaleidoscope of butterflies in the ship.

Honestly we will have to look at food production and consumption from a wholistic perspective.


#oblitusverba – #writingprompts – Word of the day – Deed

What are the deeds and responsibilities of a citizen?
It varies from culture to culture but in my head the biggest deeds a citizen can take are:
1. Vote or share your voice loudly
2. Learn to use a clipboard. (If you missed this live it is worth reading or listening to!)
3. Participate!
4. Feed and talk to your neighbors.
What does it take to fulfill a position in public service?
I live in The United States and I regularly listen to politicians. Right now I am wondering how certain people have been nominated for certain positions. One comedian said, “It is like all the nominations are being put in charge of things they hate.” That is a paraphrase and I can’t remember who said it but it seems true. Wouldn’t it be better to have public servants serving in areas that they are passionate about?

How many people need to follow through with their destiny?

Simply everyone should pursue their passions regardless of perceived obstacles. Those obstacles are the way to  the solution. Keep looking if you are hunting a passion and your personal destiny.
What will it take to do the multitude of deeds to achieve our ideal future?
(My humble opinion?)
Well if you want to get technical each person has an ideal future that is individualized. However, as a collective humanity is in search of an ideal future that is based on collective good, compromise, and individual freedoms.

Happy New Year – Farewell 2016 – #stardust

The last year has been full of half finished projects, thoughts, and dreams.

I spent yesterday running errends and today resting. I mended the clothes I loved enough to keep and painted with Ben.

The Fool Card was the card I pulled back in January of 2016. It was definitly a year of transitions. I spend the better part of the year battling my ego and thinking that I could find a “super hero” or “savior” only to continue to hear, “NO one is gonna save you!” from one of the coaches I follow.


I skinned a coyote.  Waiting for spring to hunt down the wood for the body. Maggie is teaching me to prepare the skin and Neshi says “Birthing a drum takes time.”

I moved the kiddos into the same room and am transitioning my mind and habits to a smaller space so I can bring forth a tiny house.

Worked on getting past my fear of shooting videos and owning a cell phone. More work needed.


Lessons from 2016

~ Death never gets easier to accept. We lost so many beautiful souls this year.

~ The worst protest is to not voice your vote.

~ Making the healthy choice can be as oh so sensuaously wonderful as it can be tedious and terrifying.

~ Minimalism is a mindset not a lifestyle.

~ Six year olds will wear their Halloween costumes to the grocery store on New Years Eve.

~ I like to go out on dates with myself reguarly.


A profound sentence for 2017, “Today is Yesterdays Tomorrow.”

Card for the year 2017 – The Star .

#oblitusverba – Word of the day – tinge

They say I look at the world through rose-colored glasses,

They say I look through kaleidoscope lenses.

The people look at each other through tinted gaze,

The people all seeing different things.

Our vision obscured by our experiences,

Our vision tinged by our past.

A child looks out filterless and free,

A child looks out and sees.

We are our own filters,

We are our own choices.


What do you see,

What do you see?

; – Thoughts About Suicide & Life – Part 7

In times of great winds – some build bunkers, others build windmills.

Chinese Proverb

Suicidal thoughts are like bunkers – deep holes in the mind. The thought processes that dig them into place, are slowly dug, spoonful by spoonful until a backhoe digs the grave. However, when facing the thoughts I try to think of them as windmills. The thoughts create movement in my mind that I resist, like water hitting a water wheel or wind hitting the blades. Suicidal thoughts have the power to create monumental positive change in our lives. If we choose to use them to examine and build a new foundation. However, not everyone can escape or deal with the thoughts and they leave us here wondering.


Why are we left here while they have gone on? Why can’t I just end my life already? Why am I here? Why? Why am I so angry? Why? Why? Why? Why do these thoughts hit me over stupid things? Why do these thoughts batter at my soul when I feel threatened or upset?

Why is the hardest question to ask and the most important question when hit by suicidal thoughts. When we find the “why” we have the responsibility to ourselves to ask another question.


How can I use the “why?” answer to change or accept my emotional dissonance and move forward?

Journal daily and learn from the things you see on the paper.

; – Thoughts on #Suicide and #Life – part 6

Even monkeys fall from trees.

Korean proverb

Everyone makes mistakes and falls down. I have made so many mistakes. You for certain have made as many mistakes as I have. Scars litter my arms and legs from some of my mistakes. Until my friend was found in the shower I didn’t know that if I wanted to kill myself I had to cut up – not across. From that point on I felt funny when I picked up a blade. The scars from self-mutilation are a constant reminder that mistakes are important. Some mistakes can save you while others will end your life.

Regret is a poison as potent as anger. It may be the deepest and most painful scar we hold when we are suicidal. Regret that we didn’t help someone, we didn’t eat something, do something, become something. Regret that we wasted our life, opportunities, people, things, time.

Use the emotions and create.

Grab a sharpie and a few pieces of paper. Scratch big jagged lines one one sheet. Think about why you want to die. Grab a second sheet now scribble as you think. Doodle. Repeat as many times as you want to. Now rip those papers up as small or as big as you want to. Grab some glue or tape or staples and put the papers back together in whatever configuration you want. Note how you feel as you do this exercise. Remember to breathe. It is okay to cry. If you are hit by the desire to hurt yourself write, “you are beautiful” on your skin with the sharpie.

Learn from the bumps, cuts and bruises. The broken bones will mend and so will the heartache. It is not the mistakes that make us grow, become stronger and thrive, it is how we react and respond to the mistakes. Learn from the pain. Use the pain to build something bigger than you.

Word of the Day

I woke one morning to find a lambent orange light filtering through the sheer white curtain. My mind filled with panic. I walked out the front door in a daze. The sun was crimson in the sky, I could look right at it the smoke was so thick. The side of the mountain was on fire.



; – Thoughts About Suicide and Life – Part 4

“Not everything that is faced can be changed but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”

Lucille Ball

Facing suicidal thoughts is hard. Leaving the thoughts alone is dangerous and based in self-deception. Ignoring them only leads to more pain. Setting the thoughts aside for a moment is a bad idea.  Some things are preventable. Some things are unavoidable. Some things have no silver lining. However, building the courage to face and persevere is key.

Looking in the mirror I see eyes that have faced many sad, painful and horrible things. I wish boring-peace-filled lives on people, but alas, without the darkness, there is no light. Looking in the mirror a voice in my head say’s, ‘I hate you.’

It is a conditioned response.

Recording the responses has been helpful for me to keep track of both the negative and the positive crap I throw at myself. Perspective can be built over time but without a journal there is only fuzzy memories to work with. That poses more challenges.

Pull out a sheet of paper and set a timer for 30 minutes. Write ‘Why?’ on the paper. Brainstorm as many ‘Why…’ questions as you can.  Set the list aside.

A few hours later look at it again.

Answer as many of the questions as you can.

If nothing comes, draw. Scratch the paper. Keep making marks. Keep asking ‘Why?’.

This is the first step in finding peace without intentionally ending up six feet under.