#EPICfaiL #Vegan #parenting & #pizza

Monday was great. I was taken out for salad.

Tuesday I heated up beir rocks.

Wednesday… Epic Fail I was exhausted. Only got 3 hours of sleep. In the morning I at dolmas, a banana, and Oreos… Yes, Oreos are vegan. Then the afternoon came around. I had both kids alone… I ordered Pizza. The pasta without sauce with mushrooms, onions, and spinach for the kids.

But I ate the spinach, Feta, and mozzarella cheese bread. God, I’m paying for it. My body is achy and my stomach feels like a train is tunneling through it at full speed. My emotions are crazy strong I started to cry out of the blue. God dairy hormones are intense when you eat it for the first time in a long time.

I’m not sure why I wanted Pizza so badly. I guess the convenience won me over… a screaming one year old who had been screaming from teething pain for 4 hours straight ended my will power at about 4:45 PM.

That is one of the reasons I feel like crap right now. I spent money on things that I do not want to perpetuate… I bowed my ass over to a consumeristic mentality and took the easy way out. I could have easily tossed more beir rocks into the oven or made a salad, or any number of quick fixes like a bowl of cereal. But I didn’t.

Now I am paying for it.

So what do you do when you mess up or miss read a label or in general epic fail at being vegan?


#pgwotd #Poetry #5for5

 A warm heavey object rests at my breasts
ryhthmicly breathing
twitching every once and a while.
her caremal skin is covered in peach fuzz,
her dark hair is soft and yet… course,
the twinge of a smile lifts teh corner of her open mouth..
He digits imposssibly warm in the crook of my elbow.
sleepy seeds rest in the corner of the little lions eyes
she is so heavy against my chest.
the twitching show when she is dreeming deeply,
I can only imahgine the vulpine tricks she plays in that dreamy haze
her nose wiggles as does her fingers.
two tiny and sharp teeth wiggle out from swolen gumz
and I am struck by of memories the day her first tooth started breaking through.
I am so greatful she is in my life.

“Why are you putting up roadblocks?” #coaching #MomshellConfessional

Sitting in my coaches car, waiting for my son’s IEP. I threw a huge roadblock in front of my flow. “I would have to have a car to keep him from killing me if I choose to homeschool him.”

“I would have to have a car to keep him from killing me if I choose to homeschool him.”

Those words actually left my mouth. We had been talking about setting up a curriculum for the summer for Ben. Subconsciously I tossed the biggest issue I could out in front of me that I could, all while I was suppose to be reviewing and preparing for Ben’s IEP.

My coach asked me bluntly why I was roadblocking. She didn’t use that term at first. My confusion was evident so she broke it down into a much more visual example.

“You have a bad habit of putting caution cones and roadblocks in your way. Big bright obstacles that keep you from the direct path.”

Thinking about it I do. It is part of what makes me appear to be an amateur and part of what makes me appear to be a fool. Mostly it slows me down.

What do I do?

When I catch myself doing this I open myself up to the endless possibilities the universe puts in front of me and have a little faith and trust that everything will fall into place for my highest good.

Mantras seem to be helping.


Peace Love and Great Vibrations,


Skinny Bitch #BookReview #Vegan

Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin

Okay, so I read this book a while ago. It was a good read and the whole time I listened my brain gave the authors the voice of Fran Dresher. I sidestepped the ethical issues because originally I became vegan for two reasons; a girl and my health.

It is well written, well researched and pretty funny. The book takes the approach of as the title implies, Vegan=Skinny. Now over the years, I did slim down considerably and when I dropped the Vegan lifestyle I did balloon and got really fucking sick. As in so sick, I had a bed pan sick.

How does a person who became vegan for health reasons become that sick? By ignoring food allergies and by having a genetic disease and for me at least by falling off the vegan bandwagon.

I digress, Skinny Bitch talks about nutrition and how the crap we put in out bodies on  SAD (Standard American Diet) is literally killing us. To this day the thought of drinking a diet soda ( which I never did before reading and never will after reading) makes my skin crawl and feel like I should look for a copy of arsenic and old lace.


Click the link to grab a copy. It is a good read if you are just going out to the VEGAN Ballpark and want to take a turn hitting the bat.

skinny bitch



Ranch Dressing #Recipe #vegan

I like Ranch Dressing. For years I have made it at home. It is a pretty simple recipe but if you don’t want to make it and want to buy it try, Follow Your Heart High Omega Vegan Ranch Salad Dressing.  It is a pretty good Ranch overall. 

On to the Recipe.

You will need:

1 cup of either Follow Your Heart Original Vegenaise, or Follow Your Heart Grapeseed Oil Vegenaise, or Follow Your Heart Soy-Free Vegenaise

1/8 cup of non-dairy milk I prefer almond.

1 tsp mustard

1 tsp apple cider vinegar

2 tsp garlic powder (use more or less dependant on your preference.)

two small stalks of fresh dill finely minced (about a tablespoon and 1 tsp last I had fresh dill)

1 Tbsp of parsley ( I like fresh but dried will do fine)

2 tsp of dried onion powder (or if you feel fancy 1/4 of a small fresh onion grated finely)

1/4 tsp of pepper

2 stalks of chives ( one tbsp dried)

salt to taste



Wisk till mixed well.

Bottle and enjoy. Should keep for 2 weeks.

Can you do #VEGAN without a Blender?

Eight years ago I had a beautiful food processor and an amazing blender. Now I have neither. The food processor had a date with the floor that ended in heartbreak. Every blender I have had since then has been burned out or dropped.

I miss pecan ground “meat”, nut cheeses I make myself and the ease of making cookie dough in a food processor. Smoothies, blender pancakes, and smooth mashed potatoes… The mashers broke my last blender.

Alas, it is fucking hard to go vegan without a blender and pretty rough without a food processor… That said if my rice cooker broke today I would cry.

However, it can be done.

So scratch the hummus and smooth creamy soups off the list. Seriously just buy Trader Joes Hummus, it is worth driving an hour to buy. Cut your veggies super small and push it through a sieve if you want a smooth soup.

Stick to whole foods and forgo the transition foods altogether. Start with the basics. Learn what food tastes like. Each vegetable and each grain have a unique flavor. Can you tell the difference between ground cinnamon and ground cardamom? Can you taste the difference between a yellow summer squash and a zucchini? What is the difference between a yellow, red or white onion? There are definitely differences.

Steam up some broccoli and cauliflower. Test a few different dressings.  Steam some cashews until fork tender and then use a knife to smash them with some roasted garlic,  a little salt, and NUTCH, then add a little olive oil and whisk. It is a killer simple sauce.

You don’t have a whisk? I recommend this one.   A good whisk can do amazing things when it comes to sauces. you can use it to make ranch, chia eggs, flax eggs, suds up the water to convince the kiddo to do dishes or splatter paint all over the house (More on that in a later post.)

Now as to the giant knife in the photo… Make sure you have at least three good knives, A paring knife, a bread knife and a good larger knife. I do almost everything with the beasty in the photo. I have a teeny tiny paring knife that kiddo uses and an old but amazing bread knife. I also have two other knives that keep showing back up in my kitchen when I have put them in the donation box a few times.

My brain is a little on overdrive right now so I will get back at yall later.

Peace, Love, and Great Vibrations,

Steffi AKA Ben’s Mom

Why I am going back to being #vegan.

For a little over three years, I forsook being vegan. I was sick, people brought me meals that were not vegan, started feeding my kid McDonalds and well life got rough. I’m jumping back into animal-free foods. My husband has requested I buy breakfast meats for Sunday brunch and meat for Boots our pug. I can get behind the meat for Boots. It is a heck of a lot better for him than dog food… and it won’t be that much of a stretch, he already eats about 10 pounds of meat a month. The two pounds of meat hubby wants a month I can overlook… for now.

My family never went back to dairy due to food allergies, so at this point, we are going back to not eating meat.

In the last two months, I cut back our meat consumption by over 3/4. This month all I bought was Pepperoni which was devoured in a day, and a pound of high-quality Bacon and a pound of high-quality sausage for my husband. (dog food excluded)

My son is addicted to hamburgers at this point so I’m going to be experimenting with vegan paddies.


As for the seitan based “meats,” I’m gonna pass for the most part. I will probably make Pepperoni and sausage… I need to dig up my old vegan cooking notes.


As for the why???

I want to get healthy again and well I’m sick of all the water waste in the commercial meat industry.

#parenting #friendship and #cancer

Some mornings I wish I wouldn’t open facebook or any social media… I went and looked at a friends feed and tears started rolling down my cheeks. Her daughter has cancer.

The first cancer post I skimmed and skipped. Not realizing it was her daughter. Then the Make A Wish Foundation post…

Three of my siblings had Make A Wish trips. Those memories flooded back… Then the pain and exhaustion in my friends eyes made sense. I had seen that look before in the Ronald McDonald House.

Last night one of the parents from RMH Houston posted about her daughters remains being stolen. Back to my friend… She looked exhausted. I wanted to see how happy she and her family was… There are days I really need to just hide.

My friend was around when my sister died of a brain tumor. She was around when my brothers were born sick. I can only hope that the experiences help her be strong.

We all face the unknown.

#autism #Parenting #WTFReally ?

A disassembled bed and a snow day.

Rotate the laundry… find my missing shampoo bottle… empty wrapped up in a t-shirt covered in shampoo.

Start a breakfast… look for the oatmeal… give up when I find the bag empty when it was half full before bed. Pour cereal and soy milk.

Start washing dishes… notice the water pressure is low, suddenly hear the shower running below me. Walk calmly to the bathroom… Find the kiddo’s mattress in the shower. Beathe deeply and imagine I’m on a beach doing SunSalutation.

No school… Nothing productive done…

Walk into the kitchen after going to the bathroom, find son naked making brownies… his own recipe. At least he likes to cook… Why is the commercial size baking powder tub full of cocoa and honey?

Take a shower… Have son come in bathroom and want a shower… finish rinsing conditioner out of my hair, plait hair then get a towel, dry off then get dressed. Then he follows me out and wants a hug not a shower… give him a hug and send him back to bed.

Walk into my bedroom… Find child wrapped up in a blanket watching cooking videos on youtube. His mattress is still wet. Cuddle for one video, take the laptop and start writing… He bangs is head on the wall, 10 minutes later is asleep… still sitting up. I readjust him then tuck him in and go hide in the laundry room to write.


Life in the day of a Gothic MomShell… AKA This Autism Mom.


If you like what I write and want to support my son’s painting habits or life in general click HERE.

Peace Love and Great Vibrations,


#deathsTeaParty #amwriting #excerpt

As memories overlapped, memories from thousands of lives, she sat dizzy from the sheer volume of information her mind was being forced to process. Suicide crossed her mind. Then the anger flooded her mind and she started to focus. Walking to the bathroom she grabbed a bottle and glass of water. Returning to her bed she downed four of the sleeping pills and the whole glass of water. Trying in vain to reign in her temper and not let the temporal shift drive her mad, she stared at the ceiling. Slowly the mortal world faded.  


Persephone woke moments after the sleeping pills kicked in. The high queen of the underworld stood in a dark room, willing the curtains to open, it flooded with light. The private quarters of the queen. Even Death was afraid to enter this sacred and private suit. Embroidered tapestries that she and her mother had made during the early years of her marriage, covered the walls. Naked she approached the door it opened in front of her. The temperature of the building dropping as she worked to hold her temper in check.

She stormed barefoot down the long corridor, large blue flames licking at her heels and purple sparks flying from her hair. She was livid. As she entered the great hall, spirits reached out of the pools to touch the hem of her skirt begging to go home. They had been there long before she had entered his home. As she approached the banquet table her temper flared along with her long dormant wedding gifts.

“How dare you!” she yelled. “You bastard. How dare you drop into my life like this. The agreement was that I could incarnate into any life I wished, you would let me live it without interference. I had no memories of you. Why? Why couldn’t you let me have this normal lifetime and collect me when I died? I have always come home.” Motioning to the sparks and flames around her body, “How am I supposed to explain this to my family?”

“I missed you.”

“Well that’s grand. I have a child and a husband.”

“You didn’t seem to mind until your memories came back. Besides you have two lovers and he has one as well. Why do you insist on excluding me from your life?”

“That’s not fair, I’m not intentionally excluding you, I want to live and experience more than this… this place. I was working on something important. ”

“Would you like some tea?”

“Yes and stop changing the topic.”

“Why not invite your “husband” to visit here with you? I haven’t had a male lover in few centuries.”

“Absolutely not. End of discussion.”

“As you wish darling. Would you at least act a little happy that I finally figured out how to spend time with you during your little excursions of living.”

“When I warm up a bit I might forgive you. Are you going to leave me alone to live this lifetime?”

“Absolutely not. End of discussion.”

“Fine. We need to set new rules and parameters. I assume my wedding gifts will be back in full force now, even when I’m awake. ”

“Most likely.”

Under her breath, “This is gonna be fun.’ in a sarcastic but warmer tone, loud enough that the invisible help went scurrying, ‘Why did you track me down? It must have been pretty important since you broke your promise.”

In an uncharacteristically timid and embarrassed tone, Maboz answered her question,“Well… I missed you.”


“I just missed you.” He wrapped his arms around her and drew her to his chest, “You fast cycled so I only got to see you for a few minutes.”

Even in the dream realm, the Limbo between his reality and hers, she melted into his familiar embrace. Her anger belying their five millennium marriage.

“Maybe I should take a vacation and come spend some time with your new family. Strap on a new flesh suit and get some sun.”

“No,” she emphatically stated

“Why not? It has been ages since I took personal time. If I recall it was around the time of Ramesses I.

“ So what rules will we be playing by this time and just who are you planning on getting to cover you? The Easter Bunny, The Tooth fairy?”

“ Actually, I covered for Santa in the 18th century and he owes me a favor.”

“ I wasn’t serious.

“I am.”

“Now what?”

“Now… You explain why you slapped me and insisted on looking at the Codex moments after I picked you up.”

A memory slammed to the forefront of her mind. Her shoulders dropping, “Let’s get to Nick’s.”



If you like what I write and want to support my son’s painting habits or life in general click HERE.

Peace Love and Great Vibrations,